Mariposa- means butterfly in Spanish. Living in Arizona, I thought it was a fitting language to choose to describe my metamorphosis.
Today is February 8th, 2011. I am 36 years old. I'm female, I weigh approximately 250 pounds, I'm 5'4, I smoke, and I drink too much.
My health is ok, I think- no major disease or illness. Yet.
But tonight I had an epiphany. I was watching a Dateline show about Aaron Ralston who got trapped in a canyon in Utah and had to amputate his own arm to survive. Hearing about not just his ordeal, but his ambition and drive to explore the outdoors, his zest for life and adventure, wanting to push himself, it set something off inside of me. A very strong and deep urge. A profound vision.
Ok, I have never been a HUGE sporty or outdoorsy girl. BUT. I love the outdoors. I have had experiences all throughout my childhood, through my parents and Grandmother (Muzzy), that have given me a respect and love for nature and the outdoors.
I love camping. I love the woods, the desert. Lakes, oceans. I've lived near the beach, I have lived in the woods in Washington state, I've lived in the desert. I've hiked the Grand Canyon- when I was 12, but still. I've always been fascinated by stories and films about the wildnerness. Almost envying those wild stories of people who shun modern life and live in the wilderness. Wishing I lived back in the time of Little House on the Prairie. Exploring new territory. Living as the Amish do. I have always been drawn to the story of mankind and a struggle for survival in the wilderness. I used to play "Clan of the Cave Bears" when I was 11 and 12!
So here is my plan.
I have never loved to exercise. As in, working out in a gym, playing sports. Forced walks in the city. Boring.
But I want a change. A BIG change. I want a new life. I want a new body, a new passion. I have changed many times in my life. I've gone from being a surly teenager, drinking and smoking, to a pure Mormon girl, married in the temple. A mother. A wife. I've left the church, divorced, moved back home. Came out as a lesbian. Threw myself into the gay life. Moved to England to be with my girl friend. Moved back here to Tucson. I am now in school full time, getting straight A's and studying to become a social worker.
I know I can make drastic changes in my life. It's something I have always been good at. I quit smoking to become Mormon. I went from being a holier than thou Mormon wife to a wild and crazy lesbian. I quit drinking when I was pregnant with Annie. I started smoking and drinking again after that, and off and on, I have been pretty unhealthy since then, which was 13 years ago.
I've lost 70 pounds in under a year before. I've gained and lost weight many times over the years.
In other words, I know I am capable of great change. I need motivation, perhaps, but I know I have the ability to change.
So here is my idea tonight.
I can re-create myself. I'm still relatively young, and healthy. I have a body. I want to celebrate it, thrive in it, and use it. I want to change what my life IS. My life now consists of smoking, drinking, pizza, wings, ice cream, sitting. Sitting. Sitting. I sit to study. I sit to talk to my gf who lives in England. I sit to watch tv. I sit.
I want to move. I want to go out and do things. I want to LIVE. I want to see the world, and not just on tv or from a car. I want to go and be IN it. Experience it, nature in all its glory and danger. I want to be challenged. I want to test myself. I want to find myself.
My vision is simple, but challenging. A year from today I want to be in shape, and be healthy.
My first big goal: By October 2012, I want to hike the Grand Canyon again. (that time of year is best)
My plan is in 4 parts.
Feb-May 2011: quit smoking, quit drinking. Occasion red wine, but once a week at most. Eliminate soda, fast food, junk food.
Focus on eating REAL, healthy foods, drinks. Relearn how to eat and drink, focusing on nutrition, portions, taste, and food as fuel, not as an emotional comfort.
Begin to be more active, getting my body used to moving, Start slow. Go on walks with the dog, take the stairs, go to parks and outdoor places with family. Make it a game to see how active I can be. Weight loss not a specific goal now, but it will occur if I make these changes.
Weigh in once a week, on Wed morning, and record weight. Measure myself at the beginning, and then once a month around the first of the month.
May-Aug 2011: Refine diet, following Weight Watchers points plan or similar calorie plan. Aim to lose 1-2 lbs a week. Get more structured about exercise and fitness, but keep it fun. Incorporate weights, core strengthening exercises, and cardio daily.
Increase month by month the time and intensity. Fit it in anywhere I can- stairs at school, jogging in place at home, playing soccer or frisbee at park on weekends, going on short hikes. SWIM, during these hot months.
Aug-Nov 2011: rededicate to weight loss over Holidays. Remember to have fun with recipes and food, recreate old favorites into healthier foods. Keep working out. Weight loss should continue at 1-2 lbs a week.
Should lose 50 lbs by Dec 2011, putting me under the 200 lb mark.
Nov- Feb 2012: Should be down to around 190-180 lbs by now. (Feb)
Fine tune workouts. Go hiking regularly on weekends, weather is perfect around now. Enjoy the beauty of this area, embrace nature, challenge myself.
End of Jan, Xena con! I should be looking and feeling amazing by then, big incentive and motivation! Reward for all my efforts, fun with friends.
Feb-May 2012- Weight will be almost to goal. No set number, but around 160-170, with added muscle.
Really push and train for hiking, Grand Canyon goal in mind.
Oct 2012- set date and make plans with friends/family to go to Grand Canyon and hike. Try to get Annie and Noah ready and in shape to come too! Leigh too!
Next step...who knows? More hiking goals, new mountains, maybe new outdoor hobbies. Boating, climbing, skiing, swimming, marathons?
I am a butterfly. I am Mariposa. I can transform myself into anything I want to be. I choose life, and freedom, and health, and nature, and beauty.
I will be keeping this blog and recording my progress, success, and struggles as I go along this journey. I'll keep track of my weight loss, measurements, goals, victories, challenges and thoughts, in writing as well as in photos.
I will do this.
